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| :edit: Not all songs posted in their entirety, only the most meaningful parts~ last song posted in it's entirety for awesomeness. Original work in bold, also Lil Rob's No Soy De Ti is fragmented, and split up :)
I feel what I feel in song, and have for a long time. Music is how I live, really, I live in the frequency domain. I feel in rythm, and beats. Breaks, and patterns. Words of reason, in rhyme or in prose, and my song, the one that defines me now, is more complicated than it's ever been. I share with you now, some songs, on how I feel, work quoted as needed.
And for those of you allergic to reading this much, yes it is alot, you can listen to the songs instead (but will miss out on my original work, which may not be missing out on much), so the track list is as follows:
01. Atmosphere - Don't Ever Fucking Question That
02. Jose Jose - La Almohada
03. Chino XL - Water
04. Lil Rob - No Soy De Ti
05. The Rain - K-OS
06. Jose Jose - Sera
07. Jack's Mannequin - Bruised
08. PATD! - Lying is the Most Fun a Girl Can Have Without Taking Her Clothes Off
09. Hot Hot Heat - Goodnight Goodnight
"Enough, to hold you to the brightest of lights,
To place you dangerously close to that sun,
Enough, to acknowledge the flaws you can't ignore,
And recognize the cause of what's done is done,
More than enough, to put my name behind my ideals,
And neglect my logic twice daily,
Enough to keep me looking for my Lucy in the sky with gems,
When I remember how you used to call me baby,
Enough, to look in my mirror with detest for every tear you shed,
Regardless of why you wept,
Enough to curse any man who can't appreciate the depth of the ocean I swam,
Till I ran out of breath," [Atmosphere]
"I love you, don't ever fucking question that,
That's why we'll probably never get along,
If I was better at finding the right words to say,
I wouldn't need to write these mother fucking songs
I love you…..don't ever fucking question that." [Atmosphere]
"A veces te miro callada y ausente
y sufro en silencio como tanta gente
quiciera gritarte que vuelvas conmigo
que si aun estoy vivo solo es para amarte
pero todo pasa y a los sufrimientos
como a las palabras se las lleva el viento." [Jose Jose]
"Por eso regreso borracho de angustia
te lleno de besos y caricias mustias
pero estas dormida no sientes caricias
te abrazo a mi pecho me duermo contigo
mas luego despierto tu no estas conmigo
solo esta mi almohada." [Jose Jose]
And still, memories persists, I see you in my passenger seat,
Talking to me, or doing the crabbuckit dance,
Could it be that we've really lost our chance,
Could it be that that was our last dance.
At least I have the memories, of long conversations,
A 300 mile drive to San Diego, with practically nothing playing on the radio,
Things we share, deeper then the physical,
Funny how something taken for granted, can make you feel so miserable.
"your smile captivated my soul, which was miserable
I fell in love with you instantly
I knew I wanted to protect you from this world
You were related to my girl
And even after only one year of [our] life
Your intelligence and love for me shined so bright" [Chino XL]
"It must be something in the water they drink,
It's been the same with every girl I had,
It must be somethin' in the water they drink
Why else would a woman wanna treat a man so bad" [Chino XL]
"Love gots a hold on me, think I'm about to fall baby
But I can't let you see all the things you're doing to me
Remember when you told me how you wanted to be free, and you left me
(y te olvidaste de mi)
What about me and all of my pain, times I thought I was going insane
Calling your name, you're no where around, no where to be found
Nobody cared, nobody was there it was just me sad and lonely, broken homey
I smile for my friends and cry later for you just like the oldie told me" [Lil Rob]
Because really, who controls their dreams?
The heart wants what it wants, and I can't deny the signs.
I see my world in terms of me and you,
And now I'm having a hell of a time deciding what part of me is really me,
But all in all, the end is clear,
Lo que paso paso, and all that's left to fear is fear.
I've lost what I thought was most important,
For lack of trying, for lack of love, for lack of something.
"You say you love me, but then you turn and walk away
All for a love not even born yesterday
I see you on the streets and you just pass me by
You think I got no feelings, think I'm living high
But let me tell ya…
I could be on the TV, I could be in their magazines
But it's never enough when you felt the touch
Of an angel that's rocking your soul" [K-Os]
"Reality didn't live up to my dream, I never thought that you'd leave me
Torture and sadness these things you left me, paired when I'm lonely.
Drives me insane, I'll never be the same as before you
Girl I live for you, please say it isn't so
The one in love is always the last to know
…
While I'm standing underneath this streetlamp wondering who is the girl for me
I never knew that when you said "I Love You" it was just for a little while,
When we get married, we'll have a big celebration
Send invitations to all our friends and relations,
That's what I wanted! I wanted to make you my wife…
But now I want you, to stay out of my life…" [Lil Rob]
"You want your cake and eat it too, what would happen if I cheated you?
Gee, I can only imagine all the things that I would be,
I belonged to you, but you never belonged to me, no soy de ti." [Lil Rob]
"No soy de ti,
Tu no eres la mujer para mi
Acuerdate que te fuiste
Y te olvidaste de mi." [Lil Rob]
"Sera, que te llevaste algoooo de mi
el dia que te fuiste,
sera, que estaba acostumbradoooo a ti,
por lo que yo estoy triste," [Jose Jose]
"Y tuuuuuuuuu, jamas te enamorastes de mi,
sera seguramente por eso, por lo que ahorra stoy triste,
por lo que ahorra stoy triste."[Jose Jose]
Never will our love be the same, imagine it metaphysically,
As a human being, he would exists as an amputee.
Lost limbs representing what used to be, and will never be again.
Prosthetics are available, but who are we kidding, it'll never be the same.
"Sometimes perfection can be, become the perfect hell,
Perfect………..
Hours pass, and she still counts the minutes
That I am not there, I swear I didn't mean
For it to feel like this
Like every inch of me is bruised, bruised
And don't fly fast. Oh, pilot can you help me?
Can you make this last? This plane is all I got
So keep it steady, now
Cause every inch you see is bruised
….
All I hear is what's playing through
The in-flight radio
Now every word of every song
I ever heard that made me wanna stay
Is what's playing through the in-flight radio, and I
And I am, finally waking up" [Jack's Mannequin]
"I've got more wit, a better kiss, a hotter touch, a better fuck
Than any boy you'll ever meet, sweetie you had me
Girl I was it, look past the sweat, a better love deserving of
Exchanging body heat in the passenger seat
No, no, no, you know it will always just be me" [Panic at the Disco!]
"It's not enough to hear me say you've won,
You only wanted me for having fun,
But now I think you've gone and had your way,
And left me with a pile of bills to pay,
I can't even rewind the tape machine,
To listen to your drunken reasoning.
So here it is, your final lullaby:
So,
Good night, good night,
You're embarrassing me,
You're embarrassing you.
So, good night, good night,
Walk away from the door,
Walk away from my life.
So good night.
I've given up on social niceties,
I threw 'em out when I threw out your keys,
Along with all your records I can't stand.
You never even listened to any one of them.
You're never going to drag me out again
With all the people that were never ever even your friends.
So here it is, your final lullaby:
So,
Good night, good night,
You're embarrassing me,
You're embarrassing you.
So, good night, good night,
Walk away from the door,
Walk away from my life.
A little bit of rain I'd say is fair,
But when it starts to thunder they all stare
This isn't goodnight, this is goodbye
So,
Good night, good night,
You're embarrassing me,
You're embarrassing you.
So, good night, good night,
Walk away from the door,
Walk away from my life.
So,
Good night, good night,
You're embarrassing me,
You're embarrassing you.
So, good night, good night,
Walk away from the door,
Walk away from my life.
So good night……" [Hot Hot Heat] | | |
| What is up people! I am sick, yes, sick...right before finals, I know. Lame.
Well, the truth is I'm not sure how the end of this semester is going to go. Normally I know more or less what I'm going to be getting in my classes, but for now I'm trying to avoid these calculations in favor of a caring God. :) My grades don't rely on him as much as they do on my procrastination, but if I give it over to a higher power maybe it's not my fault.
The truth is I've been slipping in and out of a sudo-depression for the last month, and I almost don't want to call it that. Not for fear of ridicule or image, just that I'm not sure if it's really depression. I have this incredible urge to sleep, more than ever before, for weeks on end if possible. It could be the fact that while I'm awake I think more actively, and lately my thoughts have been bouncing from the ridiculously insane to the ...well, pretty crazy. I have lost my balance in a way, and have found it rather difficult to focus on anything. I'm constantly late to appointments, and can't seem to focus on school work except for at odd times of the day (hence why I'm up). I actually just finished a project and some chapter notes...
I hate the fact that my studies are tied so strongly to my emotions but what can you do. No man is an island. I can not isolate myself from what's going on any more than the US can pretend it is the only country in the world successfully, try as we may. But if you're concerned, I have been getting better. I gave up on the whole bar thing. Nothing is going to happen until it's ready to happen, and if you ask me, I aint ready. But I'm hoping that in writing this, and venting, I can once again focus my efforts on what's truly important to me, and the long term goal, which is graduating with my degree.
I feel like there are so many of you out there cheering for me. I feel proud whenever I hear you guys talking about me, I really do, and it almost makes me blush. I know for a fact that I am the hopes for some, and maybe more of you out there who haven't explicitly told me, but the implication is there, and I sure as hell don't want to let you down. I also know there is a whole bunch of people down in San Diego watching my progress, cheering me on from the sidelines, and I need to remember them when I have my doubts.
So although I'd like to give up at times, like this past month, I must always remember that I am not only doing this for myself, I am doing this for many people. My work ethic at school is a thing of legend for some (not sure why, I think I'm a lazy bum sometimes) and I don't want to disappoint. I also don't want to un-inspire. So for those of you who've I inspired to the point of studying harder, tutored, or touched your life in whatever way, I want you to know I'm not giving up. I will try harder, study harder, and work harder to make this dream come true, because there are allot of you supporting me, and in my darkest hours, your help is what keeps my spirits up. So in closing, thank you, I will not disappoint. | | |
| It wasn't going to work out when she said she didn't like the new Mos Def CD :(. | | |
| Takinbackchazday: i like the second one from the left, the brunette
Takinbackchazday: makes me hard
Takinbackchazday: so does tiki snow | | |
| No...not really, but I play one on tv. :)
Ok, that's a lie too. Man, what can I say, it's been so long since I've written anything that it's hard to know where to start. So San Diego was great, but now I'm back in my Central Valley. What can I say, I was born in Guadalajara but can't really think of any other place but here as my home. I've been here practically all my life so, where else would I consider my "home"? Ok, enough of that. So, what else is new?
Well, while I was in San Diego, my Dad decided to open his own bakery. He's been a baker pretty much all his life and I assume he was tired of seeing other people get rich off his bread, which I totally understand. So I decided at the end of my first school year in San Diego that it was getting too expensive for me, I love everything about San Diego but it's a lifestyle I just couldn't continue to afford. I miss my family very much, cousins, second cousins, aunts, uncles, home cooked meals of varying quality. But with change comes other new things as well. I'm back in Visalia with my girlfriend Beatriz which is wonderful. So, on coming back I pretty much got to take over operations for the Bakery. It's been a pretty interesting experience going from managing a fast food store to running day to day operations at a small Bakery. The hardest part has been balancing family with business but I guess that's how it is for everyone? I don't know I'm only guessing.
After taking a semester "break" where I only took 3 units at community college, I'm back in the 4 year school game. I'm currently a student at Fresno State and it's pretty normal. I miss San Diego State University but I definitely do not miss the class sizes. The professors actually know my name, what a weird concept!
Well I guess that is all for today, just figured it'd be a good time for an update, more to come soon.
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